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Time to take her gun away?

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Old 09-03-2020, 12:05 PM   #1
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Time to take her gun away?

Hey guys....

So...my Mom is 84. She lives independently now in the big old house I grew up in having outlived my dad, her second husband and her third husband. The house is in small-town america. Low crime (not "No Crime" however).

Mom packs heat.

My dad bought her a small revolver to keep near when he was away. As time has gone on, she carries it more and more. To the point, her monitored alarms system went off a while back and when the police showed up she was standing there with a loaded gun in her hand and they had to give her a stern talking to about "how to avoid being shot by a responding officer in your own home."

That was worrisome enough. Today I got a call from one of her doctors who is helping her through some things. I don't want to go into it...other than to say if I was worried before, I'm more worried now.

Have any of you guys gone through this before? Does there come a day when you have to take their guns away? I talked to her about it...and I have to say she is about as convinced she should give up her gun as a typical NRA member would be if Hillary knocked on their door and stuck out her hand and said "Gimme!".

Maybe I could buy her a can of bear spray or a nice taser and trade her.

sigh. Getting old is not for the feint of heart.
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Old 09-03-2020, 12:41 PM   #2
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Just take it away before she shoots you or another innocent individual that happens to knock on her door....selling girl scout cookies.

If she is sound mind,suggest that she may have misplaced it....somewhere.
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Old 09-03-2020, 12:41 PM   #3
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I would think itís time. Two instances of concern (police and doctor). Third occurrence may not end well. Took the car keys from my dad. Conditions associated with aging are sneaky. The warning signs are there. You just hope to address it before something bad happens. Non-lethal protection sounds like a viable alternative.
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Old 09-03-2020, 01:01 PM   #4
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You are in the classic "When does the child become the parent" situation.

It is terribly difficult to take away any person's feeling of independence, whether by removing something small or something potentially very dangerous like a car or gun! When that person is a parent or other close relative it can be heart rending.

I do not think my brother could have done the things I had to do to make sure our Dad was in a place where he would get 3 meals a day, his laundry done and his little efficiency apartment cleaned each week. He still had freedom to come and go as long as he signed out and back in so the management didn't think he totally disappeared!

Part of that was informing him that I was selling his car. He was not happy but he knew that ALL OF THOSE dings and scratches would not have been there when he was younger and more capable.

Daddy never had any guns and didn't understand why I had guns and loved to shoot. But I never understood why he enjoyed playing golf and going to casinos to gamble. So, there.

Last edited by ShooterGranny; 09-03-2020 at 01:04 PM.
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Old 09-03-2020, 01:20 PM   #5
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Does she still drive? If she does, it might me more worrisome than having a firearm in her home.
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Old 09-03-2020, 01:39 PM   #6
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I'd suggest you take it away. Decades ago we went to visit an elderly relative in a care facility. Before I knew it, he was "showing me" his revolver...loaded, finger on trigger, pulling hammer back, muzzle all over the place. It had been in his dresser drawer. He almost discharged it trying to get the cylinder open. I grabbed it, unloaded it, told him it was nice, but dirty and offered to clean it for him. It never went back there. We went with the "hmm, it must be around here somewhere" when he asked once or twice...
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Old 09-03-2020, 01:42 PM   #7
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The older one becomes, the more susceptible. Given the current state of things in this country I would not disarm a person unless I was willing to move them into my home and provide the protection I would be taking away.
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Old 09-03-2020, 02:03 PM   #8
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Why did the alarm go off, and was she frightened, or on alert because of it ?

I would suggest invite her out to shoot, and check her abilities.
She could prove still capable, or it could be a natural way to discuss time to retire the gun.
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Old 09-03-2020, 02:08 PM   #9
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My dad had alzheimers and my mom was legally blind. I simply told them not to drive and left it at that. One day they snuck out with the car and dad drove the wrong way up a four lane exit ramp onto a main highway in the wrong direction to the next "exit" and got off. Fortunately nothing bad happened! After that I took their keys but found out they had one key hidden on me. Then I took the car for their safety and the safety of the mom with three kids in the minivan they might make contact with. That was about ten years ago and it still hurts.
Taking things from our parents that gave us all that they could and more is beyond difficult but we have to keep in mind we have to do what is safest for all, especially them. I call it the circle of life. Our parents take care of us and then we take care of them. And then our children take care of us.
Good luck with your decision, I feel your pain.
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Old 09-03-2020, 02:11 PM   #10
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Dealing with an aging parent can be extremely difficult. We (my brothers and sisters) were very fortunate to have my mother make the decision on her own to move in to an assisted living facility. Her rational was pretty incredible, "well, that's where are my friends are that I go visit." She was in her early 80's. The most challenging part came with taking the car away. She was having accident after accident and didn't even know she was in one. She was falling asleep at a red light, at the bank drive thru, pretty much anytime she came to a stop. We were able to convince her when we told her the repair bill on her last accident. She came to the conclusion, "sell the thing. I don't go anywhere anyways and if I do they take me (referring to the facility's services."

My mother passed away this past mother's day at the age of 92. Your situation is different but also similar...you want to make sure she is safe and not going to get hurt or hurt others.

Living alone in an empty large home is not safe. She is not monitored, it doesn't sound like you have a security system to watch over her, and the bottom line at some point criminals scoping out the neighborhood look precisely for this type of target. It may be time to have that difficult talk with her for her own good...perhaps she needs to be in a facility where she can make friends and have someone watch over her, help her with her meds, and provide a safe clean place to live.
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Old 09-03-2020, 02:39 PM   #11
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We are going through it right now, only with the FIL. Similar town, no real crime. All of his guns were removed a couple of days ago. MIL still has a little revolver she keeps hidden...I’ve always expected her to blow off somebody’s toe with it.

I’m with the take them away group...Taser and Pepper Spray sounds like a better idea.
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Old 09-03-2020, 03:16 PM   #12
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The better question sounds to me like Mom might need to come live with you
Having Mom all alone sounds like a very sad existence and the gun might be trying to give her security she misses now that she is all by herself
Just my 2 cents
Stay safe out there
God Bless,John
But saying they just need to take it
That is not right either
Mom cared for us and it is our time to do the same ...
As a child of adoption
I know how much having real parents who love and care for you regardless of blood
Time for us now to have those uncomfortable conversations
but Mom will love that u do ...

Sent from my SM-S727VL using Tapatalk

Last edited by jringo8769; 09-03-2020 at 05:53 PM.
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Old 09-03-2020, 05:52 PM   #13
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Just a thought, but has she ever fired the gun? Does she practice? Take her to a range and have her run a course of fire, if she can't hit a thing it would support your decision in her view (hopefully) that she shouldn't have it.
Again it's just a thought and option to convince her she can't safely own a firearm.

Update
I was in a hurry and didn't see that dwg13013 had made my point previous...my apologies.

Last edited by Sarge1998; 09-04-2020 at 06:34 AM.
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Old 09-03-2020, 06:43 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phlyers13 View Post
The older one becomes, the more susceptible. Given the current state of things in this country I would not disarm a person unless I was willing to move them into my home and provide the protection I would be taking away.

This ^^^.
.
.
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Old 09-03-2020, 06:53 PM   #15
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dwg13013 and Sarge 1998 are spot on. Take her out to punch some paper. See how she does. If she's as spry as my mother-in-law, (who passed a couple of months ago at 95) no problem handling a gun, sonny!
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